Daily Archives: May 17, 2012

ASL – Part 3


For those not in the know, ASL is probably the first comment you would receive if someone was trying to chat you up in an online dating site. What someone is asking is ‘What is your Age, Sex and Location‘. Based on this, one would either make a decision to continue chatting to you if you are the right age, if you are the gender they are interested in 🙂 and if they feel that your location is close enough for them to date you.

From Animalcapshunz.com

Specimen C

I guess I knew how it would end before it began. He was one of those persistant stalkers. Hey! No I’m not interested! No, it is just plain hey. A guy can’t say hi to you? Okay, hey. So, what’s your name?  Uuumm just told you, not interestred. It’s just a name. Or do you work For the secret service? Okay! I’m Njenva. Nice to meet you, I’m Mr. Congolese (MC). TROUBLE!!!

And every SINGLE thing he said checked out. Trust me! As one of the Founder Members of the “Derrick Society ” (DS) – read, we snoop on people for free – I would know when things do not add up. Everything added up. Including proof shown on TV. I found out all about him from every single source available to the DS…… So why was a born again TREASURE single and unattached at 39? (Yeah, I know! I seem to be bearing the brunt of old people online dating syndrome …) I digress …..

MC was too perfect. He always knew what to say in that charming French accent of his. Always made my liver quiver 🙂 There were times he’d talk to me and I’d start looking around my house for hidden cameras! He was so on point and was like the best friend I had ever met. And when we couldn’t talk, he’d text. Who doesn’t know that the male species is terribly allergic to texting? But boy, could he text. There’s a day he sent me over 200 texts within 24 hours. And I responded to over 90% of them – heck, I was working. If I wasn’t I would have probably matched him text for text! But oh my, I was working on cloud 9, feet rested in 7th heaven and heart flying at the same level with rubbish on the milky way. There were days he would call and he would just pray over things that we had been chatting about. Aaaah, bliss.

I kept on asking myself, why did I ever have to make him agree to a pact that we would be only platonic friends and that if we ever met it would be 6 months from when we started chatting? It was only month 3!!!!! I blame my affiliation with the DS because my local shopping mall experience got ruined. I could no longer dash there in my PJs and headscarf! I had seen his siblings and parents there! There is a day I was queuing at an adjacent till and I could see him very clearly. With a child who kept on referring to him as Daddy!