This week I have had reflections on disasters that I have experienced with matters of the heart. I have been thinking about scenarios that I wish I could erase from my history but I realised that this is what has shaped me to be who I am, with the knowledge and experience that I have. And I must admit I still have no clue how to avoid some disasters of the heart!
I recall with horror the day a guy that I had become really good friends with told me that we should stop meeting as often as we did because he didn’t ‘feel me like that’. I was so devastated. Not because I was ‘feeling him like that’ but because I had invested so much time and energy into what I thought was a friendship and not a courtship. And to this day, I tell any dude who asks me never to assume that all girls imagine that you are an item because you hang out all the time or even talk everyday. If you haven’t had the discussion ‘Hey, so…..you and me could be an item..?’, there is no reason to go telling someone that you don’t feel them like that.
Incidentaly, this has happened to me about 3 times! Will I ever learn? Many dudes don’t spend time with girls that they are not thinking of dating. And all these times I have been thinking, ‘Aaaaawww, such a nice pal, other dudes should learn from him’ then all of a sudden POW , ‘Sorry, I don’t feel you like that‘ and I was NOT even in that frame of mind! The flip side has also happened to me. I was very good pals with this dude. I had just graduated from campus, with job hunting and what not so we spent loads of time together. Till the pastor at church met up with me one day and said,
Ehe, I hear that your dowry is being paid for from the driest part of Kenya?
Your boyfriend told me about your relationship.
Aiii, Njenva. Even before he told me, guys had already seen you two on dates. It wasn’t a secret!
Sorry, who am I dating?
When the pastor told me, it was such a shock to me and when I confronted my pal, he was even more shocked than I was!
SO WE HAVE NOT BEEN DATING ALL THIS TIME?
Have you asked me to be your girlfriend?
REALLY!??? YOU WANT ME TO GO DOWN ON ONE KNEE?
Dude, why are you shouting at me?
IS IT BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A CAR AND A GOOD JOB?
Dude, I am also tarmacking, I don’t have a job! And stop changing the subject. When did we start dating!?
Another disaster I have been through is that you should like someone for who they are and what you see in them including potential, not what other people tell you about them. I had this boss who kept on pairing people up in the office and I was so lucky that I had worked with her for nearly two years and I hadn’t been caught in that trap. Till when I was leaving the organisation and she got someone else to replace me. Then she started planting seeds in my mind.
Njenva, that guy is born again, haven’t you always said that I shouldn’t bother you if the person I was proposing isn’t born again?
Did you see that? He is the only guy who stood up to give you a seat when you walked into the room. Such a gentleman.
Wow, have you seen his creative ideas. You guys would be such a perfect couple. You could change the world!
As the last assignment, I would like you to work with him. Stop looking at me like that. This is professional. Of course it would be great if something else developed….
Needless to say, that was such a failure that by the time we were going for our second ‘outing’ where I was supposed to treat him, I left him 2 tickets at the gate because I was so sure he was going to come with a date.
The other type of disasters are those dudes who only remember my cell phone number and e-mail address when they have been dumped.
I think the dude I feel the worst about is the one who I agreed to date because he was so sad. I dated him because I pitied him. He seemed like such a nice guy who had gotten all the bad luck in this world heaped on his back. Till he started transferring the luggage from his back to mine and started pitying me. I was so relieved that things had turned that way because it then meant that if I broke up with him, it would be a relief to him….. NOT. He stalked me for about a year before FINALLY getting the hint!
If you ask my friend Waruguru, she will tell you that my worst disaster isn’t yet over. It has been going on since 2004. Njenva, get real!
I am truly praying and hoping that I am done with disasters of the heart.