Dear Diary – Sippa

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My friend Sippa wrote me this mail. With his permission, I have reproduced it below.

Please be the addressed diary and respond to him?

 

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Dear Diary,

You know me and thinking of things that please me or not…and in addition, tending to overcomplicate things with thoughts upon thoughts. So bear with me through these series of thoughts.

I’ve really been thinking of things recently that could be ground shaking/breaking/moving…actually it is about moving.

First is spirituality

I love God.

I love believing in Him and knowing new things. I like how I’ve been relating with Him and learning ways that could get me closer to Him.

The thing is He’s shown me so much favour and given me so many things in my life, this year especially that have made me, not just depend on him more, but gain strength in my stride. Which has now come to frighten me as far as pride is concerned.

I feel like the biggest pit I’m heading towards is that one…where I see things as a work of my hands and how I can do it on my own. Yeah, I know, I’m no superman 🙂

Yet, I feel like I can control so much around me and in conversations even with the big guns in my profession.

Like what I say will influence or some thought that will in turn increase the hold I have, you know?

In short my spirit keeps warning me about getting too big for my name, and I crave God the more.

I think it’s a great balance so I choose to remain afraid of the roles in every aspect of my life because God is glorified then

…but……

I don’t read the Bible, yet I do pray a whole lot. And EVERY prayer is answered. EVERY one of them! And mostly in the affirmative. I don’t understand God, but I sure as hell enjoy what He’s doing for me 🙂

Do I love him? Now as I think of it, do I follow his commandments? Yes…I love Him.

Well apart from when I download music from the internet and without guilt for that matter. Hmmm.

Friends

I have beautiful friends. They really do inspire me and make me grow. And that seems to be the theme this year.

My closest friends are all far away from me – Europe, Southlands and Rift Valley (and no, I don’t feel like counting you in this list!)

But for some reason I don’t feel the need to rush to where they are, and they don’t crowd my space in the least bit. We always talk of hooking up or whatever, but we’re all busy and allow ourselves to exploit all these social communication tools and it feels right.

God’s favour flows in them so much that I feel like I was put smack in the thick of it…I’m a beneficiary of the favour they receive.

I get genuinely happy for them as they do for me when they hear random things happening in my life.

Family

Yesterday, an uncle comes home…Big Surprise and we’re all excited to see him. He’s a funny guy and has jokes from here to Kamchatka.  He jokes about how he now has a good report to give (I really can’t remember the Kikuyu expression he used for the report) but it went something like:

You know all you say when you go to a new place, ‘Ah, that place isn’t nice, especially when they don’t offer you anything to drink. But I was served. They gave me tasty cold juice and it was appreciated because the weather was very hot. So of course there were no issues. And at that time behind the door lies an elephant

We all laughed, I more than my folks. As I looked at them they had that funny expression for funny but not so much.

That statement was ironic in the biggest and most obvious way, and my uncle knew it. Haha, which made it even funnier.

It is work for me to involve my dad in my life now…funny thing, it’s not as easy as it used to be for me to involve my mum. We’re becoming estranged.

I love my siblings to bits. I want them to come live with me at some point, but that’s just unrealistic because I am sure after a few days I will throw them out because I like my space.

Work

That’s all there is to my weeks now…and I love thinking about it because it is paying off.  Well, paying off in terms of the professional respect I’ve gained.

But it’s funny, I never think about work when I’m out of the office. It is such a task to think about work when I’m not in office…..up till Sunday when I think of the next day :-/

I still don’t get close to the pay I think I deserve, I actually get half of what I would want when I’m not even thinking about money.

But the experience is great… I forsee myself visiting at least 2 other African countries before the end of the year…… who knows where else I will be visiting!

I recently started thinking of leaving this place. I complete a year working here soon and the idea of going to a different country and working and living there just for the sake of it is starting to smell good. Really good. Like I’m thinking mid next year I should have things laid out…

I think it’ll make me feel great going to be in a totally new community…A francophone one because I love francophone people or Japan – both cultures are amazing.

That leaves me with two choices that fit these criteria: new, out of my comfort zone, great growth opportunities — Japan and France.

What would allow me to leave an organization without me feeling guilty about leaving it? So I started thinking of  studying for my Masters degree…….

Weirdest thing is the person who has impacted my career the most here feels lost in this place. I don’t think I’d stay here if he leaves. At the moment this company treats us like really, to say the least, UNPROFESSIONAL (spelt S.H.I.T.) I don’t freaking have medical cover!!! Yes, no budget for protective gear, and salary is… I could go on.

I don’t want to be here for long and when I think of a plan…my mind goes black.

So I’m forcing myself to think up a plan and it bugs me that I’ve gotten to this comfortable state where I enjoy the respect I get and that’s it. My work isn’t even as good as it used to be, it sucks so much that I’m usually apprehensive when someone else is reviewing it. I don’t even like receiving feedback on my work anymore.

 

So dear diary,

What to do?

 

Yours,

The Guy Who Likes Food And Music

(Sippa)

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