How do I tell that I am nervous?
- The length of my nails reduce. In worst scenarios, my cuticles bleed. I eat my nails to oblivion.
- I eat. Like how the Tasmanian devil destroys everything in it’s path? I eat everything I see, including foods that I normally don’t like.
- I sweat. A lot. On my face.
- I sleep and when I wake up, I force myself to go back to sleep.
One of my turning points in life was when I stopped watching television, especially news and current affairs. I stopped watching tv from 29th December 2007 when James Orengo grabbed the microphone from the then ECK chairman, Samuel Kivuitu. I felt that if our leaders were going to disrespect their own leaders then things were going to be thick. And thick indeed things became. Since then, I didn’t watch news or current affairs on tv till maybe mid last year when I stopped being violent towards anyone who wanted to watch the news even in their own house. For real, the 2007/8 violence spooked me out and I don’t really think I have ever recovered.
During yesterday’s historic Presidential Debate, my nails became shorter, I ate everything that was in my house (except some very dark and bitter chocolate), I had to replace my pillows because I was sweating like a shower (and by the way, Nairobi was hot last night!) and I went into my bed at 7 pm. I didn’t watch the debate and requested my friends not to update me on the going on’s (other than Maponyiz, who I asked for information and they gave me a blackout!). I thought I could handle it but no, my heart is still traumatised. I realize, I am still nervous about our political situation. And as I write this, I also realize, that I didn’t even think about praying. I was too nervous to pray!