For friends familiar with the Subaru Dude, this is the original dude, not my husband.
If you have a hot black Subaru that is in the parking lot only between 12am and 9am on most days and all day on Sundays, then you are most likely to attract the attention of the Head of TDS. Sad thing is that the first time I saw him, he was in his boxers and a torn vest. And he was running. Not like at a jogging track, but a different kind of running……
One Saturday, Hipilicious had slept at my house and we had woken up early (by 8am) and we were busy chatting as we were having breakfast. Sleepovers are rare and we took time to catch up. All of a sudden, we had a loud bang – a gate was smashed back into ‘lock’ position. Then more screams and then very fast footsteps, another loud bang and screams. Proudly Kenyan, we rushed to the windows to check out what was happening on that very quiet Saturday morning. Even before we got to the windows, the following played out in front of our very eyes………
Watchman, ‘What is the problem‘
Girl in skimpy clothes, ‘He wants to kill me‘
Subaru Dude, ‘Give me my phone‘
Why does he want to kill you?
Where is my phone? She is a thief!
He is a liar!
What is going on here?
He has refused to pay me and I was with him all night!
Where is my phone? Give it back
Pay me first
I want my phone
*SCREAMS* YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD PAY ME!
(More TDS prospects start peeping out of their windows)
Give me my phone
Where is his phone?
I WAS WITH YOU ALL NIGHT AND YOU PROMISED TO PAY ME!
By this time, Hipilicious has pulled her classic move – when she is embarrased, she folds herself into a ball, closes her eyes and blocks her ears!
I stayed at the window till the drama was resolved……. And that was when I first saw Subaru Dude.
And he would have forever remained Subaru Dude if I hadn’t discovered interesting phenomena that happens every Saturday, Sunday and Monday morning. Subaru dude leaves his house at about 9am, gets into his car and comes back about half an hour later. That wouldn’t be anything unusual if he wasn’t leaving with a different skimpily dressed girl every morning. Most of the times, the girls don’t even remember which car dropped them there or even worse, where in Kenya they are…. I have heard a couple of them ask ‘gani gari?’ and ‘huku ni wapi?’ (‘Which car?’ and ‘Where are we?’) and the ones who don’t ask just stand in the middle of the parking lot and wait for him to open the car and then they walk towards it….. Again, that is not the issue. These girls always leave his house with a paper bag.
I am sure they did not leave the club with an Uchumi or Nakumatt paperbag.
WHAT IS IN THOSE PAPERBAGS?