You RAT! Part 1

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Despite the fact that folks from Mrs. Adrian’s tribe have a thing for roast rats (she says they are ‘forest mice‘ …………. ——- > WHATEVER), I have the greatest fear of rats. Not as much as heights and darkness but still. And I didn’t know this because I had never had the pleasure of meeting one until I moved into the LOFT.

Sometime last year, Osumi called me and he was laughing hysterically. He informed me that Miss. P had told him that she would not pay her rent (or something as drastic as that) if he didn’t get rid of the rat that she found in her house. She was very upset and that made him laugh really hard. His words, ‘Hawa wazungu!‘ So I told him, no I hadn’t seen any rat and that he should sort out Miss. P otherwise his own salary would not be guaranteed.

The next day, I got home early and made dinner and was excited to watch a movie – I can’t remember which one. After eating, I took my dirty dishes to the kitchen and sat down to watch the movie. About 10 minutes into the movie, I saw something moving in the kitchen. A shadow perharps? No. It was walking. With 4 legs. Towards my dirty dishes. Is it a cat? Whose cat and how did it get into my house?! That is not a cat. That is a huge rat! I grabbed my phone fast and closed the kitchen door, ‘Osumi. SOS. SOS. SOS. There is a rat in my house. It is HUGE‘. ‘Don’t worry, it is the same one that was in Miss. P’s house. Relax.‘ WHAT. How is that supposed to make me feel better?

I persisted and he finally came into my house and found me standing on top of a seat. Is it under the seat? No! It is in the kitchen. And the door is closed, do you expect it to open the door? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Please get rid of that thing. He walks into the kitchen with a broom and a few minutes later he jumps out of the kitchen screaming, ‘It is HUGE. Ngaaaaaaiiiiiii. Si unge sema?‘ ‘But I told you!‘. After a few seconds, he decided that the rat was too big for him to handle by himself so he was going to get reinforcements.

He came back with some dude and they were both armed with huge pieces of wood. They got into the kitchen. A few seconds later….. Screams. Sounds of wood hitting stuff. After a few minutes, they came out and they looked excited. ‘Uh, huh? Have you packed it to be disposed?‘ ‘Uuuuum, it went out through the window‘ GOSH. So there is no evidence of its demise, Osama style! And they left. Of course, I still kept the kitchen door locked and pulled back the window (it doesn’t have a latch). After a few minutes of pretending to watch the movie, I peeped into the kitchen and what do I find? Ratatouille’s cousin from another mother is on my kitchen counter, eating away at my left overs.

I decided to take action. I got myself to Nakumatt as fast as I could. I looked for the largest mouse trap I could get and I also bought some cheese to place on the trap. I don’t know why people laugh at me when I tell them what I bought. For real, I had watched enough Tom & Jerry to know that the only way one can catch a rat is by using cheese and a trap! I set up the trap and went to sleep. When I woke up in the morning, that rat had destroyed all my the vegetables on my kitchen counter and had pooped all over the kitchen counter. It had also TOTALLY ignored my mouse trap.

I called Osumi again and told him what had happened. He said that the best way to kill the rat was to ‘roga’ it. His actual words, ‘Tutameroga‘. That was when I packed my bags and told Mrs. Adrian that I was moving back home. And I did.

You RAT! Part 2

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6 responses »

  1. Hahahahahaha wharrrrrr!!! I have laughed and laughed and laughed. Pole Njenva! So did the huge rat finally die??? I’m going to email you 2 rat storos LMAO!!!

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