Don’t Invite Me!

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One thing that gets me really upset is receiving such texts “Praise the Lord. We Julie and Adrian would like to invite you to our wedding committee meeting. Venue: Munyiri’s Cafe. Time: 5.30pm. Please keep time

Unfortunately, in the past 2 or 3 years, I have had quite a number of such messages coming through. People who haven’t spoken to me in years and others who I have met once or twice in the past year send me such texts. And many have gotten really upset with me for ignoring their messages. Truth be told, be gone.

This girl that I last saw in church about 5 years ago sent me such a text and she kept on sending weekly reminders for the meeting. A week before the wedding, she called and was venting and ranting about my lack of support to her wedding. I asked her why she didn’t speak with me before requesting me to be part of her wedding committee. She said that she thought I was her friend so it would not be an issue. I asked her to tell me who it was she was getting married to. And if she seriously has to explain who she is getting married to, then she should seriously consider her definition of a friend. I met her two weeks ago at a function and she looked the other way when she saw me.

Another couple who have been my friends for the longest time decided they were going to get married. But, they decided that they were not going to spend their OWN money for the wedding. They were going to use other people’s money. They are both in very good jobs, living a good life – enough money to take expensive holidays, buy cars, live large, etc. But they decided to have a committee to raise money for their wedding. Some people in that committee were not even earning a tenth of the couple’s salaries. But these people were expected to contribute and make sure that the couple had the day of their dreams. This couple bugged me for money and I just ignored them. They have also moved into the category of people who look the other way when they see me. And by the way, they didn’t use their wedding budget as they had planned. Word has it that they saved quite a bit of the money they collected and kept the rest to fund their lifestyle……

In other cultures, it is an expectation that people will contribute to your wedding. For example, I understand that in Tanzania, if you do not contribute towards the wedding, then you are not expected to attend the celebrations. Sort of like you are buying a ticket to the wedding. We Africans are a supportive lot and we do all things together. You know, like celebrating when a baby is born, initiation, death, weddings, etc. But, we do not milk our friends and family during such occasions. If you can only afford a 40k wedding, please work around that. If your friends and family support you and you raise more money, good stuff. But don’t be a bug who will annoy and alienate people just because of your greed and need to “show” people how much money you actually don’t have.

One guy actually came to me and spoke with me about his upcoming wedding.

Hi, I would like to invite you to my wedding committee.

Congrats, you are getting married. Nice!

Yes, so will you please come for the meetings?

Sorry, I can’t attend meetings but I can support you. So, what is the wedding budget

Kshs. 800,000

How much have you raised as a couple?

Kshs. 30,000. So you are in?

Absolutely Not

That story ended there. I didn’t join the wedding committee, didn’t support the budget and didn’t even go for the wedding. Work with what you can afford. I have a friend who actually pulled off a Kshs. 50,000 wedding. That was EVERYTHING including their wedding bands and a wedding dress. Please don’t tell me that you need more money to be happy. They are still married and their family is growing.  Again, work with what you can afford.

Please don’t invite me to your wedding committee:

1. If it is the first time you are speaking to me after 3 years. If you are not my friend and I am not yours, why are you involving me in your life at this point and time?

2. If you can afford to foot your wedding budget. Asking people to help should be just that help. Not funding your lavish lifestyle.

3. If I have never met your fiancee. That just means that we are not friends. And I will only take time out for my friends, no apologies there.

4. If we have never been friends. Seeing you in church doesn’t mean that you are my friend.

By the way, I don’t think I am stingy. I contribute to my friend’s weddings even before they ask. I remember I was very broke before my pal married the girl of his dreams last year. I was so broke that I couldn’t even buy them a Christmas present. I think I had traveled at that time so I didn’t even attend the wedding. To make up for it, in December, I took his wife grocery shopping, which she really appreciated. That for me, was more meaningful that attending a committee meeting or sending 2k contribution to a wedding.

This doesn’t mean that I am against wedding committees. No. Just the manner in which people are using them. I might lose a few “friends”, truth be told, I really don’t care. I have already lost some people who I thought were friends.  I am not worried though, because my true friend will know that our friendship will not be measured using the register for a wedding committee or wedding contributions register.

I read this three years ago and laughed. Now it is not so funny. Kindly Finance Your Stupid Wedding

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18 responses »

  1. I totally feel you! You would think if someone wanted you in their wedding committee they’d pick up their phone and call you? But they don’t because you haven’t seen each other in years and they have no basis to invite you! I agree with you… work with what you have and if you’re friends want to support you, they will!

  2. I looove weddings and I love that so many of my dear friends are tying the knot. I have no beef being in a committee as long as like you said, we are friends and your wedding is not a surprise delivered by a text message.

    Saddest thing is, the minute the wedding is over, so is your said ‘friendship’ then reality hits home; your pocket is what they considered a friend.

  3. WAH… I do not know whether to stand in the office and applaud. But ukweli hapa – umesema.
    Those things sijui ati “entrance fees” to a wedding committee of Kshs 20k. Ridiculous!
    I think I have blogged about this before but it still riles me up!
    🙂

  4. I hate hate hate this sense of entitlment, especially from relatives who have never picked up the phone to endorse any of your milestones. This demon needs to be exorcised in a big way. I live in Tanzania and believe me.when I say it’s beyond crazy. I actually started factoring these ‘michango’ in my monthly budget. People started coming up with crazy minimum michango amounts. If you.give this much you get this package at the wedding. At last I decided enough is enough. If I don’t consider you a close friend keep walking please! It’s not about blood, it’s the bond we share that will be the deciding factor and no amount of ‘guilting’ will change this. Nimesema hapana. Sorry for the rant 🙂

    • Please do give more details on the types of wedding package that you receive depending on your mchango! 🙂 Thanks for reading, you can come back and rant all you want.

      • For instance… and I quote!
        My cousin had a wedding last year. If you gave 50k (tshs) you got a single invitation, two drinks. 100k you got to go with a partner and you both scored two drinks. Anything under 50k did not warrant an invitation! Anything over 100k got you 3 drinks. For the first time I saw drink vouchers being handed out as you showed your invitation card. We’re becoming so tacky and cash conscious…but this was eye opening even for me!

  5. i sooooo feel you…wah!!!was discussing this with some friends the other day…sasa imagine someone u havent spoken to in 5years and they send u a text complete with airtel money number,mpesa number and bank account…si i was shocked at the audacity!!

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