Heartbreak

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This past week has been full of heartbreak for me. No, I did not get myself into an unrequited love situation… And neither did I dump someone.

You know when something bad happens to you then you fall asleep and you wake up with the thought, ‘Why is my heart heavy? What was I feeling bad about?‘ That was me this past week.

I ignored a nail infection I picked up from a nail bar in 2012. Yes. 2012. Now one nail is falling off and four others are about to fall suit. Why was did I postpone going to see a doctor for so long? Why did I stop taking my pills even after seeing the doctor? I guess it is easier to hide my mess than to throw it away, you know sweeping the dirt under the carpet. So it has been easy to just put on dark nail polish and ignore the fact that there is a crisis of sorts going on underneath the nail polish. But guess what Njenva, you can’t put on nail polish on smooth skin that is now left behind after the nail is gone.  I have just let my nails down.

I have been struggling with some faith related issues. I have been overcome with unbelief that sometimes I have been scared that Jesus will make his second coming and leave me here because of all the questions I have had. I decided to let a friend know the challenges I am having. And she let me drop like a hot potato. And not like a “cool” hot potato. Like a hot potato that she did not want to deal with.

One of my sisters has been joking about life. Postponing stuff till last minute, not taking care of her health and not being a supportive family member. I was so upset with her that I gave her a piece of my mind till my voice disappeared. Not kidding. I was so upset that I have no idea how I drove from Mrs. Adrian’s place to the Loft. I couldn’t even sleep, at the thought that she might become a failure and there is something that I could have done.

Another friend has been keeping secrets. Secrets that are life changing. And not sharing them with anyone. Anyone who can provide a sane point of view from which to analyse life situations. I don’t know why, but this has really hurt me. I don’t say everything all the time but I don’t know why I expected more from my friend. I feel so let down.

I am planning to sell off my car this coming week. So I guess it wasn’t very nice that I hit a wall and dislodged a stone with the front left side of Funz today.

Serious Murphy’s Law going on.

That is ending NOW.

Off to a great week ahead.

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6 responses »

  1. Oh, Njenva, my heart HURTS so much for you, faraway friend. I literally can relate to every part of your post (well, except the nail infection, but I’ve certainly had other physical difficulties with which to deal). And boy, do I know about the angst of “putting things off” or being “put off” by others. I’m sending hugs to you today. And as to the “questioning” regarding faith…worry not. Jesus loved those who questioned, those who said, “I’m unsure.” “I’m broken. And I need you.” Or as the scripture says SO beautifully, “I believe. Help my unbelief.” I’m praying for you right now. I sure wish you could come sit on my front porch. Just know that I’m with you. You are not forgotten. He is there. Hugs from Tennessee, Lisa

  2. Hey love,
    What can one say at such a time?
    I find that words may be fleeting but know that I think of you and I am sending positive vibes.
    Hugs.

    Let’s have coffee soon?

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