Dear: Cousin E

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Dear Cousin E,

How are you doing? I hope that you are fine. I last saw you when I was still in high school!

Do you remember Vic, the guy who was very interested in you from church? He actually married that girl that he was two timing you with! And they now have 4 kids. I hear you have a son, congratulations. You must have been sad to hear that Whitney Houston had died? You really loved her and would make Hipilicious and I cram every single word to her songs. “I am your baby tonight” would be belted out by our trembling tonsils even though we had no idea what the words of the song meant!

Anyway, I am writing to ask for a favour. I suppose your son is now at the age I was when you lived with us. I would like to request that you kindly screen the people who come to live with you and your son plus any siblings he might have. You must take care that no one that is left alone with your son is going to tell him that he is ugly, his siblings are better looking than him, he has a huge nose or that he has a horrible voice. Because this might impact negatively on his self esteem. And make him feel ugly, give him suicidal thoughts or thoughts of running away from home. Also, please make sure that no outsider comes in to cause division between him and his other siblings. This can be done by pitting one sibling against the other and supporting one sibling to taunt the other, ridicule the other or generally stop respecting the other. In the end, that person will leave and the siblings will have to live with each other for a huge chunk of their lives.

I wish your son the best and I hope that he grows up to be a happy, well-rounded and motivated individual who is able to pick himself up when he gets bouts of low self esteem because of the words spoken by a long-stay visitor. I know I am able to pick myself up when I remember the things you said were wrong with me. And if I did it, anyone can!

Your cousin,

MoohRoohGee.

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