Daily Archives: November 10, 2014

TDS Fail – Katangi


TDS rarely fails in it’s missions. So far, there has only been one client failure and I am happy to report that this client was able to obtain the information and location of the subject and we are now awaiting the wedding! 🙂 For real.

This time, I failed miserably. And I was the client!

So I have blogged earlier about Miss. P and her dude – who both Millz and I agree is a thug…. A few months ago, I realised that Miss. P was getting an extra influx of guests. Our gate would be open to allow the constant stream of visitors. One day, Millz’s husband was one of the guests and when he and his posse were done with visiting Miss. P, he passed by my place to say hello. Anyway, at least the failure was not on knowing that there was a steady stream of strangers in our compound.

This day, when I am working from my house, I heard one of the guests come in and he was speaking loud Congolese-like Swahili to someone on the phone.

“Ndio. Nimerudi. Ah wewe wacha. Ulisema hivyo wakati huo mwingine. Leo lazima tukutane. Utakuwa tayari saa ngapi? Usinichezee. Mimi niko tayari saa hii”

For a moment, I was confused about who this person was going to visit because Miss. P mostly had her fellow Americans going to visit her and all her visitors had less pigmentation than I did. Then I heard the person go up the stairs and got a mini-stroke. This person was coming to my house? Then the steps moved on to Miss. P’s house. So it was her visitor after all. Interesting.

After a few days, I heard the same person at the clothes line. But this time, he was speaking in French. Ah! Confirms it. That person is Congolese. From the few words I was able to gather, he said that he had eaten chicken for lunch and was going back to work and there was something to do with putting something on top of something or a father. Clearly, I should have paid more attention during French class….

Anyway, after some time, I heard someone knocking the gate and someone from Miss. P went to open the gate. It was a plumber who had come to repair something in Miss. P’s house.

Habari yako?

Mzuri, shida iko wapi?

Maji yangu inaisha haraka. Na sijui shida iko wapi

Maji ina mwagika?

Hapana. Nafikiria katangi kangu ni kadogo

Forgot about that. Moving on with life. One day, I ran out of matchsticks and had to get some from one of my neighbours. My other neighbours were not there so I waited till I heard movement from Miss. P’s house. When I heard movement, I ran out and found one of Miss. P’s guests. Awkward. Not Miss. P….Should I ask for match sticks….

Hi. I am looking for Miss. P

Oh, Miss. P moved out of the country. She went back to America so I will be your new neighbour


Oh, nice. Welcome to the hood.

I have been here for about 6 months now.

Really? I have never seen you!

I have never seen you either, I hear you travel alot because I also travel alot.

Oh, okay. So could you please help me with matchsticks?

That’s fine, here are the last three matches I have, I will go out and get more.


Good day.

Not bad. At least another decent neighbour.

Sometime later, I heard the Congolese speaking on his phone. I ran to the window to see him and got the shock of my life.

The Congolese aka Katangi was the same person I had asked for matchsticks.

Why is this a TDS failure?

Katangi looks like this:

Please note: Ryan Gosling has been used as a random representation of any tall male Caucasian….