Monthly Archives: November 2014

ONG waving a placard against PLTs


Okay, I admit it. I am a bit jealous of PLTs. Pretty Little Things. Just a bit. Because they are able to do so much more than any ONG can do, with just a 10th of the effort! Seriously. I dare any PLT to try being an ONG for an hour. Or just 10 minutes. For real, they would also hate PLTs! Hate is a strong word. But it comes close to what I feel sometimes towards PLTs. Because I am a bonafide ONG. Ordinary Normal Girl.

I first noticed PLTs in church. I think while in primary school or early on in high school. Many PLTs could sing and had voices that defied their PLT-ness. And they had this habit of tapping their non-existant stomach’s when singing. While with their eyes closed. You think there was any dude in church who didn’t want to be friends with that PLT? When she can sing and has a super flat stomach? I didn’t even know the meaning of the word “pot” but I knew that I didn’t have that flat tummy and it had something to do with why guys liked them…. Now PLTs have evolved into girls who are never seen without making themselves presentable for the world. Not people who run straight from bed to the world. No. They prepare for the world. And they are usually tiny. Annoyingly tiny. And they take this tinyness for granted. Like anyone can just be a PLT.

The main reason why I am waving a placard against PLTs is not because of perceived injustice. No. It is because that as an ONG, I feel slighted by the world. I feel neglected and ignored. And I am going to wave my placard. But I will not stop there. I will use the placard to hit:

  1. Any PLT who gives me an up-down-up-down look the next time I dress up for an event. Just because my dress doesn’t drape across and over the bones in my body like yours does doesn’t mean that I don’t think I feel special. I also have bones. You can’t see them but they are there! Don’t make me hit you on your exposed bones so please stop with the up down look.
  2. The next PLT to look at me in shock and horror when I tell them that a dude was trying to hit on me. Just because I am not a PLT doesn’t mean that I somehow morphed into a lump of coal. Yeah, some dudes are actually interested in ONGs – I hear that the pressure of having a PLT can give someone mild sporadic strokes.
  3. The IT dude from my previous job – where I met with JINK. This dude was supposed to be helping the entire organization with their IT needs. He was expected to respond to queries and calls within 20 minutes. He NEVER used to respond to my queries or calls during the hour I called him. But if I got a PLT to call him so that I could ride on her call, he showed up within 2 minutes. He was so annoying and I tried explaining to JINK about my frustrations but they never got it. They were part of the problem. Disgusting PLTs.
  4. Dudes who treat ONGs like dudes. I promise this is true. Just because I am not a PLT, I don’t think it is fair for you to call me, “Sir” or not stand up when I leave the table but when other PLTs leave the table then you stand up “for the ladies”. I remember once when getting into the Mombasa airport with Nyaguthii, some security guy was giving us directions and when I thanked him he said, “You are welcome Sir”. I just stared at my chest till he got the point. As in seriously.
  5. Any relative who says something like, “It is okay that you are not married. At least your sisters have some hope”. I am laughing as I type this because it sounds surreal. Yeah. Crazy life of an ONG.
  6. The people who stare at my plate when at a public place. Seriously. I am not a PLT! I do not survive on grass/lettuce/leaves/carrots. I eat food. And sometimes quite a bit of it. So quit staring at my plate.
  7. Any new friends that I make that are not ONGs. What the heck is wrong with me. All my friends are PLTs. They don’t even have to try hard, they are just PLT without even thinking about it. So whenever I go anywhere with them, I stick out like a super sore thumb. I need friends who are ONGs. Who will not allow me to stick out. How will they do this? Not to dress up anytime we go anywhere. For them to wear socks with sandals. Or boots to a red carpet event. Or go visiting other people in pyjamas. As in NORMAL stuff. Which I seem to be the only one doing!
  8. The next service provider who ignores me to quickly serve a PLT. I exist. I really do. I know you saw me but when the PLT walked in your brain kind of lost focus and I sort of disappeared. Bring your focus back on the customer who walked in first. Not on who is a PLT. I am sure your service charter doesn’t rank customers on their beauty/size/sizzlingness index.