Daily Archives: January 11, 2015

Potential Kermit Tender Documentation


This is not a call to sending in of applications for the position of Potential Kermit (PK). Pursuant to item number 17, in this plan created in 2013, this is a preparation of documents and qualifications that will be included in the tender documentation. In preparation, I will provide tools and tips as well as potential key selection criteria. This post will focus on tools and tips, another post will be on key selection criteria.


1. Strategic Qualification:

– Does the opportunity of being a PK fit within your goals and objectives. Was your goal for this year to buy a plot of land in Kamulu then you just saw these tender documents and decided to apply? If so, this doesn’t fit within your strategy.

– Is there value to your securing of this tender? How will you benefit by being the selected PK? If the benefits are minimal – e.g. the only value you will obtain is that you will now have a name to put on the dependants box in official forms, then this is not the right tender for you.

– Is this a tender you want to keep on applying for for the rest of your life? It is not a one off tender. The wooing of the investor should continue infinitely. If you come from a long line of surrenderers, like Gupta, you might want to place a tender to work with horses instead….

– Is it important for you to be seen to be “bidding”? This is not a shini ya mae (undercover) bidding process. You will be evaluated in public. If that scares you, start running now!

2. Commercial Qualification:

– Do you have the funds to go after the tender? Can you afford “china mayai” (Chai na Mayai) at Kahonoks/Munyiris/Mc Fries to discuss the tender?

– Is this going to be a profitable venture for you? Are you looking for a tender that will allow your dreams of going to the Maldives every weekend? Maybe you need to wait for another tender….

– Is this tender opportunity likely to lead to further or more profitable business later? Can you see your financial prospects as well as the financial prospects of the tenderer colliding in a positive way, leading to exponential financial growth? If so, maybe you should keep reading.

3. Competitors:

– Are you aware of your competitors? Do you have a listing of all  Larenz Tate’s, Hrithik Roshan’s and Tyson Beckford’s in your neighbourhood? Have you done a SWOT analysis keeping them in mind?

– How can you differentiate your value addition, skills, qualifications and proposition? How do you plan to differentiate yourself so that you can come floating up the pool of tenders? For example, do you know where the vegetable aisle is in the supermarket?

– Can you send me a list of all potential competitors – just for back up! 🙂

4. Risk Analysis

– Are you aware of the madness you are getting yourself into. Sample 1. Sample 2. Sample 3. Are you sure you want to send in your tender documents?

– The tender will only be valid if you are willing to process legal documents that will be signed by a man of God. And you’ll be vetted by an illegal process. Are you okay with that?

– Are there any professional risks that you may have that you haven’t yet considered. In accordance with a rule by this vetting board member, the 4Ps need not send in their applications: Pastors, Pilots, Policemen and Politicians. This includes any other profession with close interaction/similarity with these professions, i.e. Testifiers ala Kanyari’s followers, Drivers, Security Guards and Thieves.

– Does this opportunity present any conflict of interest? For example, have you ever sent tender documents (in this current life or otherwise) to any member of the Dzariguta or Nguruvati community?

– What is your credit record? Please include your okoa jahazi statement with the tender documents. Any PK applicant with Okoa Jahazi credit that has been forcefully recovered need not apply.

Key Selection Criteria to follow……