Tag Archives: Adoption

Not desperate to be HAPPY


This is a post written by someone only known by Tatuu and myself!


Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light  (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. (Ephesians 5:6-11)

It’s 3am. Been in my bed from 11pm, I can’t sleep. God has been probing me to get up, take my Bible, read it and pray but I ignored up until now because I realized if I don’t do it, I may never sleep again. :). I know this is Gods word for me, straight from His heart to mine.

In the last few months I have allowed myself to be deceived with empty words, empty words in my head and those from other people. Ray came in to my life when all my friends were getting into serious relationships, some were getting engaged and married and I seemed to be the only one who wasn’t making any progress towards that direction. What is wrong with me? Over the years I have always pledged to never be unequally yoked with any unbelievers but here came a man who was good. A charming, soft-spoken and handsome gentleman who had it together and seemed to have a future, I thought why not? 

But I knew in my heart that he wasn’t the one. There was something about him that wasn’t right. From the word go I did not pray for Gods will to be done because I already knew the answer- No. But I also knew that nothing was impossible and I could change some few things here and there about him that needed changing and we will be good to go. I even convinced myself that I would bring him to my Church. He was an unbeliever but I could make him believe in God.

I asked him about his salvation and he said he had gotten saved many years ago when he was in high school. I thought I’ll just marry him like that and if God asks me why I did that I’ll tell him I didn’t know. Lol! But my conscious was killing me, I knew I was doing the wrong thing but then again, it was possible to make him change. I even talked to him about coming to our church and starting all over again as a new believer and he did not object.

I knew dude had no scripture hidden in his heart- though I have always wanted to marry a man who will take up the position of a priest in the home, still I thought I could change him. I’ll convince him to memorize Bible verses daily, read his Bible and journal everyday.

He had no understanding of what a man’s responsibility at home is. He doesn’t know that a man ought to provide for his family and his understanding was everyone ought to work. Of course we ought to work but the man got to take care of the family not leaving his responsibilities to the wife.

He thought that ‘kazi ya kulea watoto ni ya mboch‘ (Swahili for ‘bringing up children is work for nannies) but then I have super abilities to make him understand that God gives parents children so that they can take care of them themselves and that parenting is a ministry which parents ought to take seriously and give it their all when it comes to time and energy. I could even buy him Dr. James Dobson’s books on parenting. I mean, everything is possible.

Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church- I wanted to marry this  guy who was too full of himself and will love himself first then everyone else second. He was an unbeliever anyway what did I expect? He has no Christ in him and therefore does not understand what Christ’s love is all about. How did I expect him to give himself up for me like Christ did for the Church, to make me holy, cleanse me by the washing with water through the word? How did I expect him to present me without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless when the dude was busy crafting ways to get me to his bed?

He believes in the occasional beer with the boys and thinks that there is nothing wrong with drinking wine.

Who has woe? Who has sorrow?
Who has strife? Who has complaints?
Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes?
30 Those who linger over wine,
who go to sample bowls of mixed wine.
31 Do not gaze at wine when it is red,
when it sparkles in the cup,
when it goes down smoothly!
32 In the end it bites like a snake
and poisons like a viper.
33 Your eyes will see strange sights
and your mind imagine confusing things.
34 You will be like one sleeping on the high seas,
lying on top of the rigging.
35 “They hit me,” you will say, “but I’m not hurt!
They beat me, but I don’t feel it!
When will I wake up
so I can find another drink?” -Proverbs 23: 29-35

 And the occasional drink becomes regular and addiction checks in- I was ready to live with that.
He was anti-adoption- Of course he hasn’t been adopted into Gods family and doesn’t know the advantages of adoption. He therefore doesn’t believe in giving the unfortunate child a chance in having a good life just like God did when he adopted me into His family.
He definitely does not reflect Christ as a man I want to marry should, a complete opposite of the Ephesians 5 man. I came up with all sorts of excuses to be with him and how he could change but God had to get me out because He loves me and wouldn’t want me to go astray. As I have made a conscious decision to do away with him, God has also reminded me not to partner with him.
I was once in darkness, I did all manner of things that revolved around the dark, God removed me from there and placed me in the light and I have been reminded today to live as one who is in the light. If I live in the light, it’s fruits which are goodness, righteousness and truth will be evident in my life. As one who lives in the light I should always do that which pleases the Lord, I should have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of the dark!