I know you have been expecting me to call you or text you today, so here goes……… Babe, I know it’s been a month since we started dating but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. I don’t know anyone else who got to pick such an amazing boyfriend – fashioned after God’s own image, fitting all the qualities that I’d been looking for and super communicative (something that other boyfriends are severely deficient in)…
You’ve been such an amazing partner and I couldn’t have asked for better. I’m sorry that I have to break up with you.
You were made up at the spur of the moment since that dude in Zanzibar couldn’t take the hint. You were so protective of me when in Zanzibar, calling and texting at the most appropriate moments, especially when that non-hint-taking-dude seemed about to launch into declarations of love. Thanks for being there for me when I needed you. But now, you gotta bounce.
Because you don’t exist. But let’s not tell that dude. Since I might need you again in the future.